I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
