okay pat passed out under dana's car
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
