$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
my liver is dry heaving
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
