Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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