Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just tell him i said nine months
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
