Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
