would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
