Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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