he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
