Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
