he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
