My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
