i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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