I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
