I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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