i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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