when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
