we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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