just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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