Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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