I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
