just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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