im holly from the hills drunk
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
