Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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