I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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