I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
