she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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