Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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