I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just got carded by a ten year old.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
