Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
