guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize