Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
