my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
