smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
