cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
false alarm, still single
Randomize
