Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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