Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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