Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
