I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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