I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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