Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
