hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
