well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
