My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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