dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
