so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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