Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am mentally ready for anal.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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