Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
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It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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