Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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