if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
