I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
