You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
