dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
