if you like me you must not know who I am
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
