So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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