I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
