I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
