i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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