i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
