i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
