I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
