and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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