once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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