I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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