i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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