Are we in a gay sports bar?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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